Achtung Baby: A Terrible Way to Raise Your Kids

The new book, "Achtung Baby: An American Mom on the German Art of Raising Self-Reliant Children" by Sara Zaske is incredibly misguided. I should know. I was raised as a German and am the best selling author of "How to Raise Your Kids American: American Apples From German Trees."

The only thing worse than raising your kid German is to raise them Austrian. Look at what that did for Hitler. When I was raised by my parents, I left their whole world the first chance I got. Now that I am American, I thank God that I had the chance to raise my kids American. Americans are the most self-reliant nation on earth. Do you think Germans are self-reliant? Tell that that to the Marshall Plan. German kids are taught that if something bad happens, the state will come and help you. American kids know better than that, especially if they live in super self-reliant places like Texas. You have to help yourself and if you want seconds, you have to grab them before someone else does.

How to Raise Your Kids American

How To Raise Your Kids American

I'm so excited, my Best Selling Book, American Apples from German Trees: How To Raise Your Kids American, is now, finally available in America in paperback and on Kindle. 

A lot has happened since the book was published. In a way, I'm excited yet also scared and humbled that my book is now available in America. At first I thought, what can I teach Americans on raising their kids, but then I realized that so many parents in America are not actually Americans and could you some help. I only have to look in the mirror again to see that this is true. My hair has finally recovered from all the hairspray that I had to use for my many German television appearances. This time, I may just wear a wig or go natural and just brush it a bit.

Are My Kids American?

With all the talk about getting rid of birthright citizenship, I wonder about my family's future. Not long after we moved from Germany, we had a son, our youngest child. Our understanding is that he was automatically American. Now, we're not so sure.

For a long time, I've felt like a Republican because they seem to be the most American party. They love America the most and are most willing to defend her and the American way from the rest of the world. Now, I'm not so sure. If the Republican Party wants to take away the citizenship of my youngest child, then I can't be a Republican.

In the worst case scenario, Donald Trump becomes president and my youngest son is no longer an American. My husband, myself and my two oldest kids, who were born in Germany became naturalized American citizens on July 4th, 2013. How more American can you get? My youngest son would be deported. He's only seven and speaks German like a slightly retarded little kid. He doesn't know any German playground songs. He's a vegetarian. How is he going to survive? Because he'll have been in the country illegally, he won't be able to return for something like 10 years. How is that going to work? My two oldest kids can't stand Germany, which is mostly the fault of my relatives who, honestly are one of the main reasons I wanted to come to America. The oldest, likes that he can drink beer there legally, which I admit is a plus.

If the worst happens, we won't tell him that he can't comeback. We'll put smiles on our faces and wish him a wonderful vacation.

Russia and Russians

There are a few Russian grocery stores near where I live. When I first moved to the US, I was very surprised by this. I thought that Americans didn't like Russians. You don't see many Russian restaurants, at least not around where I live. I went to Coney Island once and it was all Russian. It's right at the Atlantic Ocean so maybe they don't feel comfortable further inland. Personally, I don't feel comfortable so close to the water, so I guess we're even.

If there are no Russian restaurants it must be because either people don't want to eat Russian food, which I can understand, or people do want to eat Russian food but prefer to make it at home. Home cooked meals are more nutritious, so I can understand that.

I don't like Russian food because it is too heavy. When you spend most of your day stretching and posing in heavy spandex, you don't want to be too full and you don't want to have a Babuschka belly, if you know what I mean. My daughter once told me I look fat. I was mortified, but it was true. I'd been eating too much pizza. We have a couple of really good pizzerias near where we live. I've now since cut back and my belly is gone. It also helps to wear a girdle. If you get a good one, and I'm talking some major bucks, you can even where it under your spandex and nobody will know, even you.

Baseball

Baseball is the great American past time, the national sport, the spirit of the country. Whenever I've gone to a baseball game, I never really understand what's going on during the game. Mostly, I drink expensive beer and eat hot dogs and french fries. You talk with your friends and look down on the field whenever the crowd cheers or roars. They have enormous TV screens to show you what happened. Your American friends try to explain it to you but it makes no sense to you. A third of the game is spent waiting in line for food or to go to the bathroom. There's lots of stuff to buy and not much is expected of you. Half the crowd never seems to pay much attention. If the weather is nice, it can be a nice day or evening out.

Confederate Flag

Every time I think I understand America and American history, I find realizing that I just don't understand anything. Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and President of the country at the time of Southern States, like the one I live in, seceded. The Southern States, also known as the Confederate States of America, believed in slavery and the Republicans believed in freedom and no slavery. A poll I read on line today said that 67% of current Republicans today support the Confederate Flag, which many Americans, myself included, find offensive. I find the Confederate Flag as offensive as the Nazi  Flag. As a German, I would never, ever fly the Nazi Flag. As a Virginian, I would never fly the Confederate Flag. As an American, I would never fly the Confederate Flag.

Every election, actually, pretty much every night on the news, Republican politicians complain that Democrats don't love their country enough and aren't true Americans. However, the Republicans are the ones who support the Confederate Flag, even though the Confederates were the enemies of the Republicans years ago. If you are a Republican now are you really a Confederate supporter? Isn't that like a Jewish person becoming a Nazi? Maybe one of my readers will explain this whole thing to me because I just don't understand.

Are Republicans against slavery but for the Confederates, for America but also for the people who killed the most Americans?

Nazis Close to Home

I was at one of my favorite local cafes, Java Shack, and some people at the next table were talking about how, years ago, it used to be the headquarters of the American Nazi Party. If I were still back home in Germany, I wouldn't have been surprised, but I was in liberal Arlington, Virginia a few minutes from home.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. I can't blame the owners of Java Shack. Whether or not they knew the history of their building when they opened years ago, I have no idea. What disturbs me is that, when I go there, I breathe the same air as Nazis once breathed. In the 1960s, Arlington was the headquarters of the American Nazi Party. That means that when I walk down the streets and go to the supermarket, I am potentially going to the same places they went to.

For the first time, since we moved to Arlington, I thought about moving. I really feel unsafe. I look at old people in my neighborhood and wonder if they once were Nazis. How can you tell? I'm not Jewish, and I certainly grew up surrounded by ex-Nazis. I didn't like the feeling then and I don't like the feeling now. Are my children going to be safe going to school? One of the reasons I wanted to raise my kids American is because I didn't want them to grow up to become Nazis. Now that I know that there were Nazis here, perhaps even once in my backyard, I am faced with the realization that I may not be able to stop that from happening.

I'm sorry, I really am, if I sound like I am panicking.  I don't think I am. All it takes is one person to make the world a worse place. All it takes is one person to disturb the peace. As Swami Jarvis says, "One little fart can stink up the whole room."

After avoiding Java Shack for a couple of days, I decided to go back. By going back, I am taking a stand against racism and Nazism. Hopefully, I can also find a place to sit. Sometimes the place gets a little crowded.